When i was little i had this idea that life could be perfect. I thought that as long as i was careful and made mostly good decisions that everything would turn out okay. I cannot explain to anyone the lessons i've learned in the past year about life, friends, boyfriends, and family. Somewhere between getting my heart broken last year and losing all my friends this year, i grew up. Sometimes i reflect back on my decisions and try to see just where it was that i messed up but so far from that, i've gotten nowhere. I've come to realize that the people that stick by your sides and the people that you can remember being there for you the most are there for a reason. I used to think that having 10 best friends made everything perfect and that if i lost a single one of them that my life would be over. I learned that wasnt true when i lost 3 of them in a total of maybe 15 minutes. But you see thats what growing up is about its learning whos going to stick by your side, and whos going to leave you behind for something bigger and better out there. "Friends come and go and with a precious few you should hold on." Through thick and thin and all the ups and downs i can only say that one person has been my friend and stuck through it all with me. My lifes had tons of ups and downs and right now i can say i've hit an ultimate low, not because of anyone else but because of myself. I've completley let myself down and ruined already what i wanted highschool to be about. It's not about getting drunk every night of the weekend and not remembering a thing the next day. It's not about meeting so many new friends that you dont know what to do with them all. It's not about getting all A's and spending all your time on school. It's not about finding your solemate and planning your future so that when you both go to college it can all fall apart. It's not about being a good kid all the time and NEVER messing up or taking chances. It's about defining yourself and deciding what you want whats right for you in your heart. I don't want to graguate from highschool and look back at my memories and think i should have had more fun, or why cant i remember anything i did on the weekends, or why did i waste all my time on him. Don't regret everything or anything for that. Learn who cares learn who doesnt. Make your decisions and go with your first instincts. And dont ever forget about the people you once loved and once cared for because guaranteed they still care for you.

Writing in my xanga used to give me relief , and it doesnt anymore. It might jsut be this xanga but for now im done writing in this thing and if i do feel the need to write again i'm making a new xanga....so goodbye gurliegrl080

Dont forget about the people that got you to where you are today....i know i have and i regret it.

madison leigh

I've hit an ultimate rock bottom.

                                            I wont wait on you anymore and i wont keep caring as much as i do to be hurt over and over again. I dont need you anymore and i can't keep working things out just so they can be destroyed again.

What can i say....you've been sucked in. You're gone and i cant care anymore. I'd try to talk to you about it but i know its a waste of my time and effort.

I want to say thanks to the people that care, most of you know who you are.

sorry to sound depressing.....things arent that great right now but i'll get through it because i have people praying for me and the help of my friends.

madison leigh

i am maddie uh parker i dont really have nicknames
i think friends are the best thing anyone can ever have
i know that my time will come
i want  a boyfriend.....[sigh]
i have enough to keep my satisfied
i wish i had the guts to stand up to the people that i should.
i hate being lied to
i miss our memories, our good times, our bad times, our fights, our betrayals, our sleepovers, our girls nights out. i miss him
i fear spiders lol and losing my friends 
i feel hurt, betrayed, lonely, excited, happy, ready.
i hear  what i want to
i crave peanut butter and not being grounded
i wonder what i did to deserve the things i have and dont have
i regret acting like i didnt care. When really i care more than i can even express
i care about my friends my family and god
i always think about you
i am not going to pretend to be something im not anymore.
i dance when i feel like it....or every monday night tap and jazz
i sing in the shower lol
i cry a lot and usually i dont know why but i like to cry....
i dont always try as hard as i could and i dont always know why i care so much about you
i fight my stupid problems and losing you even though your already gone
i trust to many people....and usually get let down 
i can usually be found um with amanda sometimes lindsay and for the next two weeks you can find me right at home lol
i am happy when i just let go and have fun
i expect to much good from people
i should stop living in the past and move on cuz everyone else has....and start dealing with n o w

^^ im grounded and have nothing better to do lol

madison leigh

                             We are all facing choices that define us.
No choice however messy is without importance In the overall picture of our lives, we all at our own age have to claim something even if its only our own 
                                           c-o-n-f-u-s-i-o-n

Someone once told me that highschool is about having fun and partying it up, experiencing things you never have. In hearing this i was so excited for highschool. I was ready to try new things I was ready to party. Something happened on Saturday to me wether to anyone else it was a big deal or not it was to me. I learned a lot about certain friends that night some good things some not so good. I learned that a lot of people will do anything for alcohol, and that people that dont know you dont care about you at all. I learned what its like to let my parents down, and not to mention myself. I learned that Amanda Marie Doull is the best friend god ever gave to me. I learned that trust is one thing you never want to break with your parents or your friends parents. I leanred that boys are not the biggest priority in my life and that my friends mean a lot more to me than any boy. Most of all i learned that highschool is about experiencing new things and partying it up, but so that you can learn from your mistakes, so you know what its like to feel the way i did that night. So in the future you know what decisons to make and who to hang out with and which people actually care.

Grounded.......For 2 weekends and no sleepovers till after thanksgiving.

the worst feeling in the world, letting down your parents and your best friends parents.

                     These are the days that must happen to you.

                                         Madison Leigh

last night = worst night probally of my life..... well thats an exaggeration but it was pretty bad >> Emma Caitlin and Dana i love you all. Amanda we have crazy times but that one was a little to crazy lol. Jordan Chris Blake and Cameron you guys are the best friends ever......seriously thanks for everything.

                  I could be sorry but when i think about it i have no reason to be. Respect your friends and their decisions.

im in shock.....i learned a lot about friends last night
                           thanks again guys

                                                       madison leigh